If James Lipton ever takes notice of my performance as the Cowardly Lion from my fifth grade play, here is how I would answer the Proust-inspired Inside the Actor’s Studio Questionnaire:

What is your favorite word? Kerfuffle

What is your least favorite word? Curd

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? A perfect lede

What turns you off? Selfish parking

What is your favorite curse word? Goodness!

What sound or noise do you love? The tsssssss of a soda can being opened

What sound or noise do you hate? An unresolved scale on the piano

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Chef

What profession would you not like to do? Dental hygienist 

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “All those years of Catholic school were worth it after all, go ahead and cut the line.”